Don't Miss
Home / Tag Archives: funny sardar jokes (page 20)

Tag Archives: funny sardar jokes

SKIN-TIGHT PANTS

A guy walked into a bar and sat down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he noticed about her though, was her pants. They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or velcro) for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her.

“Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?” he asks.

“Well,” she replied, “You can start by buying me a drink.”

CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL WARNING

Due to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all bottles:

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can’t remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

ALCOHOL SHORT JOKES

How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins.

This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. He stares at the needle that has stopped at 60 and exclaims, “I can’t believe I lost 100 pounds!”

What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

Two blondes walk into the bar….You’d think one of them would of seen it!

What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop?
A recovering alcoholic.

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. “One thing about Jim,” his buddy said to the bartender, “He knows when to stop.”

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. “What can I get you?” asked the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club” replied the seal.

A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Get outta here! We don’t serve your type. This is a singles bar.”

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”

There was a guy who had at least 4-5 drinks of whiskey every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.

Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.
One: “Whew, it’s windy today!”
Two: “No. Today’s Thursday!”
Three: “So am I! Let’s go to a bar!