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blowing bubbles

Three ducks were brought to court. The guard asked the first duck what it’s name was and why it was there. The duck answered, “My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles.”

The guard looked confused but moved on to the next duck, asking the same question.

“My name is Quack Quack and I was blowing bubbles.”

When the third and last duck walked up the guard said, “Let me guess, you’re name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles.”

The last duck answered calmly, “Nope, my name is Bubbles.”

A little Christian humor for a change

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They mouse.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
It’s gone! It’s all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. Wait! he screamed. That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES.

Was it as bad as I think?

John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

‘Louise,’ he moaned, ‘tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?’

‘Even worse,’ she said, her voice oozing scorn. ‘You made a complete *** of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.’

‘He’s an idiot,’ John said. ‘Piss on him.’

‘You did’, came the reply. ‘And he fired you.’

‘Well, screw him!’ said John.

‘I did. You’re back to work on Monday.’