Don't Miss
Home / Page

Tag Archives: best husband wife funny quotes

Famous and Funniest Husband and Wife Quotes in the World

Best Husband and Wife Quotes in the world

  • A Good marriage would be between a Blind wife and Deaf husband – Michel de Montaigne
  • Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side – Zig Ziglar
  • An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her – Agatha Christie
  • I used to tell my husband, if he could make me Understand something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country – Eleanor Roosevelt
  • A Good husband is never the first go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning – Honore de Balzac
  • To catch a husband is an art, to hold him is a job – Simone de Beauvoir
  • Show me a great actor and i’ll show you a lousy husband, Show me a great actress and you’ve seen the Devil – W.C.Fields
  • Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband – H.L.Mencken
  • Beauty, the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband – Ambrose Bierce
  • All women should know how to take care of children, Most of them will have a husband some day – Franklin P. Jones
  • A Lover always thinks of his GF first and himself second, As a husband it happens the other way – Honore de Balzac
  • I Promise to be an excellent husband ! but give me a wife like the moon, who will not appear in my sky everyday – Anton Chekhov
  • It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty everyday than to say pretty things from time to time – Honore de Balzac
  • I’ve been asked to say a couple of workds about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheal?  Phyllis Diller
  • The man as he converses is the lover. Silent, he is the husband – Honore de Balzac
  • Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic, you need ten years before you can even call yourself as a beginner – Jerry Seinfeld
  • My husband calls me Catfish, He says i’m all mouth and no brains – Dolly Parton
  • Wedding rings:  the world’s smallest handcuffs – Unknown
  • CNN found that Hilly Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong, Men admire her because she allows her Husband to cheat and get away with it – Jay Leno
  • I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband! I have a Dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night – Marie Corelli
  • The husband and wife are One, and that One is the husband – William Blackstone
  • I must quit marrying men who feel inferior to me. Somewhere there must be a man who could be my husband and not feel inferior – Hedy Lamarr
  • Being a husband is a whole-time job. Thats why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it – Arnold Bennett
  • Whenever i fail as a father or husband, a toy or a diamond always works – Shahrukh Khan
  • A Man who surrenders when he is wrong is Host, a person who surrenders when not sure is Wise, a Man who surrenders even if he is Right is a Husband – Unknown
  • A clever wife often sleeps with a Stupid husband – Unknown
  • Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough – Unknown
  • Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck – Unknown
  • “The King did what all wise husbands do. He did as he was told.” ? -  Toby Forward
  • Women marry men hoping they will change him, Men marry women hoping they will not change – Albert Einstein
  • Eat whatever you want and if anyone tries to complain you about your weight eat them too – Unknown
  • Housework is what a woman always does but nobody notices until she hasn’t done it – Unknown
  • An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal Husband – Booth Tarkington
  • I love being married.  It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life – Rita Rudner
  • Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open – George Bernard Shaw
  • Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night – Paul Hornung
  • Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose – Beverley Nichols
  • Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is – Unknown
  • All marriages are happy.  It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble – Raymond Hull
  • Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering – Unknown
  • A man in love is incomplete until he has married.  Then he’s finished – Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • Marriage means commitment.  Of course, so does insanity – Unknown
  • My wife says I never listen to her.  At least I think that’s what she said – Unknown
  • The most dangerous food is wedding cake – Unknown
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her – Sacha Guitry
  • The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character – Peter Devries
  • It’s easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?  – Unknown
  • She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook – Tommy Manville
  • A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Ruth Bell Graham
  • One man’s folly is another man’s wife – Helen Rowland
  • Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses – Unknown
  • Though women are angels, yet wedlock’s the devil – Byron
  • Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love – Jackie Gleason
  • A dog is much like a married man, obeying his master’s voice for the sake of his master’s touch – Robert Brault
  • Marriage:  A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join – Elbert Hubbard
  • When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one – Helen Rowland
  • Marriage changes passion – suddenly you’re in bed with a relative – Unknown
  • A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers – Grace Hansen
  • Marriage is a mistake every man should make – George Jessel
  • My husband and I divorced over religious differences.  He thought he was God, and I didn’t – Unknown
  • Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them – Ogden Nash
  • Husbands are like fires.  They go out when unattended – Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy – François
  • We were happily married for eight months.  Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years – Nick Faldo
  • The reason they’re called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled – it’s just the opposite!  – Walter Winchell
  • I came from a big family.  As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married – Lewis Grizzard
  • I’ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I’ve thought again – Noel Coward
  • Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night – St. Jerome
  • The surest way to be alone is to get married – Gloria Steinem
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once – H.V. Prochnow
  • I never even believed in divorce until after I got married – Diane Ford
  • Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards – Madeleine de Scudery
  • If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry – Anton Chekhov
  • Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she’s a householder – Thornton Wilder
  • The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle – Heinrich Heine
  • When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife – Prince Philip
  • Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance – Michel de Montaigne

More husband and wife Jokes