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Was it as bad as I think?

John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

‘Louise,’ he moaned, ‘tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?’

‘Even worse,’ she said, her voice oozing scorn. ‘You made a complete *** of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.’

‘He’s an idiot,’ John said. ‘Piss on him.’

‘You did’, came the reply. ‘And he fired you.’

‘Well, screw him!’ said John.

‘I did. You’re back to work on Monday.’

OMG funny joke!?

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m
so excited for you to meet my parents, come
on in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers
back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

Who needs a man??

Men can fix anything?
Don ‘t have a spoon?
I can fix that!

Don ‘t have a spoon?
I can fix that!

Seatbelt broken?
I can fix that!

New TV too big for the old cabinet?
I can fix that!

Electrical problem?
I can fix that!

Car stereo stolen?
I can fix that!

Bookshelf cracking under the weight?
I can fix that!

Can’t afford a real GPS?
I can fix that!

No ice chest?
I can fix that!

Can’t read the ATM screen?
I can fix that!

Car imported from the wrong country?
I can fix that!

Satellite go out in the rain?
I can fix that!

Electric stove broken & can’t heat coffee?
I fixed that.

Wiper motor burned out?
I can fix that!

WTF?

Display rack falling over?
I can fix that!

Don ‘t have a spoon?
I can fix that!

Seatbelt broken?
I can fix that!

New TV too big for the old cabinet?
I can fix that!

Electrical problem?
I can fix that!

Car stereo stolen?
I can fix that!

Bookshelf cracking under the weight?
I can fix that!

Can’t afford a real GPS?
I can fix that!

No ice chest?
I can fix that!

Can’t read the ATM screen?
I can fix that!

Car imported from the wrong country?
I can fix that!

Satellite go out in the rain?
I can fix that!

Electric stove broken & can’t heat coffee?
I fixed that.

Wiper motor burned out?
I can fix that!

WTF?

Display rack falling over?
I can fix that!

Exhaust pipe dragging?
I can fix that!

Gotta feed the baby AND do the laundry?
I can fix that!

Cables falling behind the desk?
I can fix that!

I actually think that’s ingenious.

Out of diapers? I can fix that!

These are some of the best I have ever seen. That last one ——only a man could think of it………..