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Office Jokes

The Corporate language !!

“We will do it” Means
” You will do it”

“You have done a great job”
Means
“More work to be given to you”

“We are working on it”
Means
“We have not yet started working on the same”

“Tomorrow first thing in the morning”
Means
“Its not getting done…
At least not tomorrow !”.

“After discussion we will decide – I am very open to views”
Means
“I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

“There was a slight miscommunication”
Means
“We had actually lied”

“Lets call a meeting and discuss”
Means
“I have no time now, will talk later”

“We can always do it”
Means
“We actually cannot do the same on time”

“We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline”
Means
“The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

“We had slight differences of opinion”
Means
“We had actually fought”

“Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you”
Means
“Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

“You should have told me earlier”
Means
“Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

“We need to find out the real reason”
Means
“Well I will tell you where your fault is”

“Well… Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected”
Means
“Well you know…”

“We are a team”
Means
“I am not the only one to be blamed”

“That’s actually a good question”
Means
“I do not know anything about it”

“All the Best”
Means
” You are in trouble”

“BOSS KIDNAPED” WHAT TO DO?

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.

Some are in loud discussions during office time…..

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask,

“What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss”

They’re asking for Rs.10 Crores (2 MILLIOn US $) ransom,

otherwise they’re going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We’re going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.” One Trainee asks,

“How much is everyone giving, on average?
.

. .

. . .

. . . . .

. . . . . . .

.. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . .. . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . “About 1 liter.”

funny leave letters

Learn how to write leave letters from the following examples: This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India …

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

6. An incident of a leave letter “I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

7. A leave letter to the headmaster: “As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:”As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”

9. Covering note: “I am enclosed herewith…”

10. Another one:”Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.

12. Letter writing: – “I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

13. A candidate’s job application:

“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both (!!)For the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.