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Husband Wife Jokes

Go Away !

Husband asks wife “Darling, Can you be the moon to me?”
Feeling the love in husbands question, wife says “Ohh, Definitely honey”
“Thats great, then go 9,955,887.6 kms away from me” husband replies.

Before and After Marriage

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband : Aah! …At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife : Do you want me to leave?
Husband : No! Don’t even think about it.
Wife : Do you love me?
Husband : Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife : Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband : No! Why are you even asking?
Wife : Will you kiss me?
Husband : Every chance I get!
Wife : Will you hit me?
Husband : Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife : Can I trust you?
Husband : Yes.
Wife : Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

Before it starts

A man comes home from work. Sits on a chair, turns on TV and tells his wife “Bring me a beer, before it stars. Quick”

His wife looks at him for a second and gives a beer.

After finishing it the man asks again “Give me one more, its about to start now! Hurry up”.

This times she looks at him with anger and gives a beer.

He finishes it and tells again “Be fast, It may start in any second, give me another one”.

“You lazy idiot, you didn’t even say hello to me, I’ve been doing all the work all day long, I am not your slave running around you” shouts his wife.

“Oh no, It started” the husband sighs!